I have come to realize that Kellyanne Conway is basically useless. She is as much Trump’s puppet as he is Putin’s. Let’s face it, she is a thinly disguised distraction from the nightmare that lurks behind her. Because of alternative facts and spying microwaves, she has been on our Dumbass Radar for quite some time.
She is so useless, I could easily name a few everyday items that are more useful. However, I will do better than that. I will list for you TEN things you don’t even see or consider – things that are seemingly as useless as Kellyanne Conway.
Ten Useless Items More Useful Than Kellyanne Conway
10. Dryer Lint
Dryer lint is our clothes and linens’ version of dust. It serves no purpose other than to start fires if dryers aren’t properly maintained. I once read on Facebook that it can be put outside in the Spring for birds to use for nests.
For that reason, and that reason only, lint is more useful than Kellyanne Conway.
9. Decorative Hand Soap Dispenser
This damn thing. It was on clearance, 50 percent off, and it matches your bathroom decor perfectly. It was so cute and you thought, “I will use this so I don’t have to use those ugly disposable bottles AND I’m saving the environment.” You filled it up exactly one time. One. It now sits empty and forgotten on the counter, spotted with stray toothpaste spittle. The only reason you keep it is because it’s so heavy, it makes a great spider-killer.
Spider-killers > Kellyanne Conway.
8. Dusty Candy Dish
Your grandmother gave this to you years ago. It was a free gift for her 25th order on QVC. This thing has NEVER held candy, except candy no one liked. Now it just holds odds and ends like stray screws. The stupid thing just gets in the way when you have to dust.
Even that thing is more useful than Kellyanne Conway.
7. That Weird, Fuzzy Lid Seat Cover
Everyone has a relative or friend who had or still has one of those gross things. If you don’t know anyone who did, you had one yourself. It has no point. The lid doesn’t care if it’s cold, and your ass doesn’t touch it. Plus, it always looks kind of… hairy. In an emergency, a very extreme emergency, it could be used as some sort of rag or towel, I guess. Maybe a bath mat in a pinch since only your feet touch it?
That nasty-ass piece of fabric is still more useful than Kellyanne Conway.
6. Your Collection of Wine Corks
Do you remember when you loooved Pinterest? You were going to be a crafting guru and make all kinds of cute shit for your house. There were those really cute … things … that needed wine corks. Now you have tons of corks just sitting in an old vase on the kitchen shelf collecting that patina of cooking grease and despair.
Those are still more useful than Kellyanne Conway. (You may need to cork something at some point, right?)
5. That Thing You Bought Because You Were Invited to a Party
If you are a woman, you have been invited to someone’s party. There are parties for Pampered Chef, Pure Romance, Scentsy, Mary Kay and, yes, still Tupperware. You know you bought something because you felt obligated. I have bought some stupid shit. I have a tiny little colander that fits on the end of a can to make draining cans ‘easier’. It’s totally not easier. It sits in a drawer in my kitchen taking up space.
Even that useless piece of plastic is more useful than Kellyanne Conway.
4. The Treadmill
You had good intentions. You were going to get in shape. You were gonna walk on that behemoth once a day, e’ry day. Now it’s in your spare bedroom or basement and it holds things. I have old flower pots and bottles on mine. A friend has laundry on hers. You would get rid of it, but it’s heavy AF.
Yep, still more useful than KC.
3. Photo Albums
As sad as it is, people just do not use these anymore. You still have some from when you were a kid that your mom kept for you. You may even have some empty, pretty ones that a well-meaning aunt gave you years ago. They’re in storage, forever.
STILL more useful than ole Kellyanne.
2. Those Old Clothes In Your Trunk
You know you have a trash bag full of old clothes in your trunk right now, or you have in the past. Meaning well, you were going to donate those in the morning. That morning never came and you’re not quite sure HOW long they’ve been back there now. You see them just lying there every time you go grocery shopping.
But they’re still more useful than Kellyanne Conway.
1. Lone Rubbermaid Lids
At this point, we are keeping these things because we are hopeful we will one day find its bowl. That is the only reason.
And because they give us hope, they are a shit ton more useful than Kellyanne Conway.